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Month: September 2017

Journal 5

 

Dear Sherley,
Reading your essay, I truly felt like I was in your kitchen with you, and your family gatherings afterwards. Your use of detail is amazing. From describing the process of cooking, the tradition, your family members, and how you feel about the dish, you truly include the reader. Also your introduction is powerful. You provide the history of the dish, while still putting it in context for you family. The only real things that I saw that could use work were some sentence structure and agreement issues. Overall you are on the path to an excellent piece! Thank you for inviting me into your kitchen through this work.
– Dan
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Dear Chloe,
I like how you lay out a whole feast for us, rather than one specific meal, and focus on family as the main point. You give us the readers, a very good idea of how things work at such a feast. I think my biggest advice to you would be just going back and adding more specific details to your paragraphs or scenes. Maybe you add a little more about the process that goes into making kit-kat cake? Reading this brings back memories of when my family would get together on easter and I got so excited when you would say things that would relate to how my family would gather! You truly show what everybody brings to the “plate”, and I feel like just going back and adding some more specific details will bolster this image, and your essay much more!
Dan

Dear Madison,
Through your piece I can see the love that Da has for not only his potato’s, but also you. My biggest suggestion would be maybe capture more of what Da looks like in the process of making this dish. What is his process like, does he have a smile, crack a joke? I must admit, your introduction is great and I am incredibly jealous, you give a history on Da and introduce the dish in such great wording, its phenomenal! My greatest advice for this intro would be solidify your thesis. Instead of saying, “I believe that…”, say something along the lines of “Although to others mashed potatoes may just be a humble side, I hold them in high regards because of my Da and my cherished connection to him.”
Other advice I might have is don’t be afraid to meat up your supporting paragraphs a little, maybe talk more about your responsibilities, put us there in the room, give us insight into what its being like with only having those instant mashed potatoes at Decary, how you miss your grandparents.
Overall Excellent start!
– Dan

Journal 4

27 September 2017
“The Art of Quoting” Response

Picking out and integrating quotes effectively is a concept rather new to me. I do not recall integrating quotes until sometime in 11th grade, but I did not get to a novice level with it until writing my senior research paper senior year. After reading pages 42-51, in They Say, I Say, by Graff and Birkenstein, I feel like I have more of an idea of how to effectively integrate quotes.
One of the greatest lessons that I have taken form this piece is found on pg. 44, when Graff and Birkenstein bring up the “back-and-forth” relation between quotes you select and your argument. They assert that one changes their argument as the process for writing a paper develops, and in such a process many quotes that seemed amazing at the start crumble to be irrelevant. I find this to be one of the most frustrating things when I am writing. Spending all this time to find a “perfect” quote, just to have it be a non-factor by the time the paper is due. Sometimes I could get away with throwing extraneous quotes in my paper in high school, but I have quickly learned that that will not be the case in college.
One of the biggest trends that I am noticing with this book, is that of comparison of lessons to scenarios in real life. On page 44, Graff and Birkenstein, note that their colleague Steve Benton refers to unintroduced or unexplained quotes as “hit and run” quotes. They compare just grabbing a quote, to a driver who speeds away from a car accident and “avoids taking responsibility”. This helps paint a picture in my mind of why using quotes the wrong way is bad. If you use quotes badly, you just take from the author, sometimes do not credit them properly, and do not leave your input to help the argument come along.
However, I the best way to integrate quotes is the metaphor that Graff and Birkenstein describe on page 46, “the sandwich method”. The authors present proper use of quotations, as a sandwich. Introducing them serves as the top slice of bread, the quote the filling, and the explanation of the quote, the bottom piece of bread. In establishing this metaphor, Graff and Birkenstein compare an often-daunting writing skill with a friendly and well know object like a sandwich and the process that goes into making it. Most people can identify if you miss one part of a sandwich, so it is a metaphor that is quite relatable to the public.

Journal 1:

4 September 2017

Journal Entry One

            In his “Consider the Lobster”, David Foster Wallace briefly examines the history of eating lobster along the New England coast. Drawing from his experiences at the 2003 Maine Lobster Festival, he then poses questions surrounding the ethics relating to how lobster is “prepared”, and ultimately personal morals in how humans justify “preparing” lobster. In turn, if Wallace was to partake in our classroom discussion, I would have several questions to ask him myself. Starting first and foremost with “Do you eat lobster?”. I would then gauge his response and continue my interview. I would be very curious if he has ever “prepared” lobster himself and if so what his experience was like? Does he suppose that it appears more humane to the average person that having lobster served to them at a mass festival then when they prepare it at home? Wallace notes that there was a time in which eating lobster was thought of as “cruel and unusual” (Wallace 499), however today it is a “delicacy” (Wallace 500). I would like to know how he believes that this drastic change came about. Did pop culture or regional play a role? Or was it entirely made possible by a well marketed tourist attraction scheme? How may the psychology of one change to facilitate such a transition? Furthermore, why do we block out the knowledge that it is painful to animals when we kill them, be it by boiling or by mass raising chickens. Yet while I agree that it is wrong to harm animals the way we do. I love my steak. Many others, even Wallace himself feel conflicted.

While Wallace supposes many different scenarios on lobsters and whether they feel pain or not, his final assertions seems to reflect that lobsters do feel pain. But, as he backs up there are many different viewpoints on the subject matter. The problem with a solely written discussion is that one may never get to hear another express their true opinion. They will never truly understand each other’s backgrounds without interacting face to face. Nobody will listen to you until you will be heard, literally. If one simply traces history back and examines how Adolf Hitler came to power, it was through his ability to speak. While he did write Mein Kompf, it was his ability to capture the attention of a crowd and entice them that led to their trust in him, ultimately facilitating his rise. Writing is a great way to sit down and record ideas, but until we sit down and discuss a problem with others we will never truly understand it. While he recorded a great deal of his work, the Chinese Philosopher Confucius typically had other intellectuals to bounce his ideas off, and followers to carry on his legacy. Even a simple 18th century artisan shop in Boston requires a physical apprentice to keep the secrets of the master, the tools of the trade alive. Yet at some point the apprentices will ask themselves whether there is a better method that that of their master’s. This occurs in writing too. When I write I anticipate my audience to ask questions, I encourage it. I expect that they will question me based off their own stance, but I hope that they will question my writing to get a better understanding, or a broader view of the subject at hand.

Journal 2:

11 September 2017

 

            Throughout high school, it was often that we would be assigned writing assignments. This motley of work included a vast array of poems, essays, and reading responses in English, as well as informative and argumentative pieces for history. Typically, before Junior year I would try to just put a draft out there, I would edit it nonetheless after having it handed back. On a usual basis, I would find myself writing only two drafts, a rough copy and a final.

            When Junior year came around, I opted into taking A.P U.S History. This class would be the death of my heart and soul, however I learned much of my writing skills from it. In class, we found ourselves bombarded with essays, one due every other night. I found myself at first striving to complete the projects thoughtfully and thorough, but as time went on I just wanted to get them over with. Most of the time I would revise my paper and resubmit it. There was no peer editing in that class. Other times, the workload would just pile up, on top of the business of life, and I would find myself being satisfied with only one draft, not my best work. I admit, some of it was laziness. By the end of the year, I could easily bang out an essay a night. I felt that I had greatly improved as a writer, but I had much more to learn.

            It is fall of senior year and Ponaganset High School has just acquired a young, yet well-practiced and well-traveled English teacher. Ms. Carvalho. With her Ms. Carvalho brought a new outside understanding of the writing and editing process. From analyzing text, all the way to handing papers in, she was extremely helpful. Possibly her most helpful skill lied in critiquing and her methods. This came in clutch when we had to write our school-required Senior Research papers. It was often that she would spend hours with us workshopping our papers as a class. If not in class, she was critiquing and giving us helpful feedback, paragraphs of it on not just papers for her class, but for scholarship essays, Common Application essays, speeches, you name it. We would practice methods of thoughtful editing and suggestion all throughout. As she had our own, every single one of us had suggestion for each other. Many times, our class would break itself off into groups revise, switch groups, revise, and repeat. I am happy to say that this method of critiquing allowed me to revise my Senior Research Paper three times and receive a score of a 93. By the end of this long and seemingly dreadful assignment, it all started it piece together. A first draft is only the framework of a true paper. To create a stronger and more desirable “house” you need various problem-solving methods to determine how to best build it. Often you are required to go back to the drawing board. The architect needs to ask his engineer for suggestions, and the engineer then in turn needs to consult the foreman. When the foreman encounters a problem, they bring it up with the engineer, and so on.  Their focus is to build something that applies to not just them, but the “buyer”. Such can be used as a metaphor for the writing process. With the writer, the “architect”, and the reader, the “buyer”. While ultimately, I did learn the importance of the editing process, I will say that I am still guilty of not proof-reading my own work. But I promise, I will work on it and hopefully keep learning. There’s always room for improvement, and that’s that.

 

Journal 3:

18 September 2017

 

At one point in time, I may have believed that writing should come solely from the writer themselves, from their own heart and mind, with no outside help. However, upon thinking deeper, we have all learned generalized writing formats and strategies from outside sources throughout our whole lives. In They Say, I Say, Gerald Graff echoes this sentiment, stating that “most creative forms of expression depend on “patterns or structures”. In his introduction, Graff provides a connection of this statement to reality. He observes that when you master a familiar activity, you “no longer have to give much thought” to “the series of complicated moves that go into it”.

I believe that Graff is entirely right, and that this personal connection, allows the reader to better understand this point. Furthermore, I believe that he is also correct when he says that this same concept can applied to academic writing. For our whole lives, we have held our own views, influenced by society and its patterns, but still our own. When we go to school, do we not learn about how to structure our writing, and patterns that we should follow? I have no doubt that the “templates” that Graff and Birkenstein do nothing, but enhance the writing skills of the reader. As Graff states, “it becomes much easier to write creatively” when we learn such patterns.

In addition, Graff underlines the crucial connection to man and his society. To get more specific, he talks about the importance of being about to relate and successfully communicate with your audience as a writer. Just like you need to know the basics guidelines and structure of Spanish sentences, before you speak it, you need to know the structure of Academic writing to be successful at it. To me, the most important elements of the book are the examples of academic writing which are included. I found Dr. King’s “Letter from Birmingham Jail” to be most insightful to myself. I feel like having an idea of the conflict at hand helped my understanding. While such a conflict, a disagreement is present in doctor King’s letter, he takes the time to explain his opposing audience, and still relate to them, yet disagree on an amicable note.

But most of all, I find it interesting how Graff puts his own “they say/I say” technique to use through the chapter. Quite ironic. One such example would be in describing how others who dismiss it, and how he himself disagrees with their sentiment. I myself feel infinitely more enlightened by this text so far.

(See what I did there?)

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