Tag: Peer Review

Dear Sherley,
Reading your essay, I truly felt like I was in your kitchen with you, and your family gatherings afterwards. Your use of detail is amazing. From describing the process of cooking, the tradition, your family members, and how you feel about the dish, you truly include the reader. Also your introduction is powerful. You provide the history of the dish, while still putting it in context for you family. The only real things that I saw that could use work were some sentence structure and agreement issues. Overall you are on the path to an excellent piece! Thank you for inviting me into your kitchen through this work.
– Dan
Show more

Dear Chloe,
I like how you lay out a whole feast for us, rather than one specific meal, and focus on family as the main point. You give us the readers, a very good idea of how things work at such a feast. I think my biggest advice to you would be just going back and adding more specific details to your paragraphs or scenes. Maybe you add a little more about the process that goes into making kit-kat cake? Reading this brings back memories of when my family would get together on easter and I got so excited when you would say things that would relate to how my family would gather! You truly show what everybody brings to the “plate”, and I feel like just going back and adding some more specific details will bolster this image, and your essay much more!
Dan

Dear Madison,
Through your piece I can see the love that Da has for not only his potato’s, but also you. My biggest suggestion would be maybe capture more of what Da looks like in the process of making this dish. What is his process like, does he have a smile, crack a joke? I must admit, your introduction is great and I am incredibly jealous, you give a history on Da and introduce the dish in such great wording, its phenomenal! My greatest advice for this intro would be solidify your thesis. Instead of saying, “I believe that…”, say something along the lines of “Although to others mashed potatoes may just be a humble side, I hold them in high regards because of my Da and my cherished connection to him.”
Other advice I might have is don’t be afraid to meat up your supporting paragraphs a little, maybe talk more about your responsibilities, put us there in the room, give us insight into what its being like with only having those instant mashed potatoes at Decary, how you miss your grandparents.
Overall Excellent start!
– Dan